A collaborative haiku – “Wanderer”

This collaborative haiku is slightly different from others I’ve initiated on this blog.  Like the other haikus, this is a renga.  A renga is a collaborative haiku with a two stanza (5-7-5 and 7-7) structure.  This renga will be longer with many stanzas rather than just two, and submissions will be accepted on a “first come, first serve” basis rather than judged.  In other words, the first person to submit a stanza will win the spot provided they meet the very basic guidelines below. In essence, we’ll be growing a haiku together stanza by stanza, a process that renga master Matsuo Basho (1644–1694) thought led to “newness.”

To submit stanzas, please provide your lines using the “leave a comment” option with this post.  Please indicate which stanza you are submitting (e.g., lines 4,5 or lines 6,7,8) to limit confusion.   You will be submitting stanzas (either the next 5-7-5 or next 7-7) not single lines.  Soon as I see the next stanza has been submitted, I’ll post it.  Keep an eye on the comments to see if a stanza is already spoken for.  Some commonsense guidelines:  1)  Profanity has its place though probably not in a brief haiku where syllables are precious.  Any profanity will be scrutinized.  2)  Please stay with the general subject matter (our solar system); that said, don’t be afraid to introduce a surprising new twist to the poem.  All contributors will be acknowledged with initials in parentheses after their lines and with credit in the by-line of the final poem.

I thought a poem about wandering the solar system suited this type of meandering, surprising poetry best.  Looking forward to traveling around the planets, moons, asteroids, dwarf planets, planetoids, and trans-Neptunian objects with you all.

Here is the 5-7-5 to start us off.

Voyager 1's approach of Jupiter (NASA)

Voyager 1 approaches Jupiter (Credit: NASA)

Line 1 (5 syllables):  I wander lonely
Line 2 (7 syllables):  around the moon, gazing on
Line 3 (5 syllables):  shadow-pooled craters.  (TG)
Line 4 (7 syllables):  I follow Voyager’s path
Line 5 (7 syllables):  momentum taking me to  (LH)

Line 6 (5 syllables):  Jupiter: first glance
Line 7 (7 syllables):  at the volatile, swirling
Line 8 (5 syllables):  face of a giant.  (TG)
Line 9 (7 syllables):  Lo behold Galilean moons
Line 10 (7 syllables):  Ganymede, a small marble

Line 11 (5 syllables):  Next to Jupiter’s
Line 12 (7 syllables):  Massive celestial body
Line 13 (5 syllables):  Slips away from view.  (LH)
Line 14 (7 syllables):  Io rings her path in dust
Line 15 (7 syllables):  with each volcanic facelift.

Line 16 (5 syllables):  Her surface is a
Line 17 (7 syllables):  baby, no old history,
Line 18 (5 syllables):  like Ganymede’s lines.  (JAG)
Line 19 (7 syllables):  Yet a pair in age they could
Line 20 (7 syllables):  Sure and absolutely be.  (IB)

Line 21 (5 syllables):  The voyage on to
Line 22 (7 syllables):  Saturn is long and coldish
Line 23 (5 syllables):  Closer with each mile.  (IB)
Line 24 (7 syllables):
Line 25 (7 syllables):

Line 26 (5 syllables):
Line 27 (7 syllables):
Line 28 (5 syllables):
Line 29 (7 syllables):
Line 30 (7 syllables):

Line 31 (5 syllables):
Line 32 (7 syllables):
Line 33 (5 syllables):
Line 34 (7 syllables):
Line 35 (7 syllables):

Line 36 (5 syllables):
Line 37 (7 syllables):
Line 38 (5 syllables):
Line 39 (7 syllables):
Line 40 (7 syllables):

11 comments
  1. Lilah said:

    Next 7 to 7

    I follow Voyager’s path
    and sling shot to Jupiter

    or

    I follow Voyage’s path
    momentum taking me to

    • Lilah, I thought both were lovely, but I especially liked the suspense of your 2nd one! Let’s see where folks take us next. Cheers!

  2. Lilah said:

    Thanks! I forgot the “r” on my second try. It should be Voyager’s.

    • Good catch, Lilah! I totally missed it. Easy change to make. Thanks!

  3. Lilah said:

    Next 7-7

    Lo behold Galilean moons
    Ganymede, a small marble

    Next 5-7-5 (not real happy with it but this is what I was thinking about)

    Next to Jupiter’s
    Massive celestial body
    Slips away from view

  4. Astroman said:

    Stars stars on you’re there
    From eternity to eternity
    I believe you too have a real soul
    Such Majesty can’t exist without

    Sorry, TG. I’m a “freestyle” poet…

    • Hey, Astroman. Thanks for contributing! Totally cool that you write free verse poetry, too. Since this is a haiku, I have to keep it to the 5-7-5-7-7 syllable convention. Can you please rewrite these lines to match the syllable count?

  5. Next 7-7

    Io rings her path in dust
    with each volcanic facelift.

    Next 5 7 5

    Her surface is a
    baby, no old history,
    like Ganymede’s lines.

    One Writer’s Mind

  6. IanBanks said:

    TychoGirl Line 19 LIne 20.. Yet a pair in age..they could be 😉

  7. IanBanks said:

    And I just noticed # of syllables required:

    19 Yet a pair in age they could
    20 Sure and absolutely be

    ; )

  8. IanBanks said:

    21 The voyage on to
    22 Saturn is long and coldish
    23 Closer with each mile

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